Thursday, September 23, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Day 16
Listening to women talk about dating , how they approach men, respond to men and how treat men can be quite an interesting experience. I often think about my past attitudes about the whole dating thing/relationship thing...sometimes I cringe...sometimes I laugh. lol
Here are some Myths dispelled: (of course this is based on my expierences and what I've witness from others)
1. "Can you pay these bills up in here?"
Ladies....Now, I am all for letting man be a man and letting him help you if you are in a desparte situation BUT...why can't you pay your own bills like you were (hopefully) doing before you laid eyes on this brothaman? Being dependent and independent is a lopsided way to live. You can't be both. You want your bills paid but you'll be quick to tell a man about how this is YOUR house...etc etc blah blah blah. Handle your own business. Real men that about about something do not want a woman that is not on her money...trust that. They'll sleep with you...but that's it.
2. If you tell a man what you are NOT going to put up with and then you put up with it...guess what?? you have ZERO credibility. If you tell him that you will not tolerate him cheating on you and you catch him cheating more than once and continue to see him....you have ZERO credibility.
3. Playing coy is a tricky thing. On the one hand, you don't want to come off as too bold thus creating the illusion that you are what kids today call 'thirsty'. On the other hand, playing coy sends some men the wrong message. Yes, some men like to chase but don't run to fast or too long or you'll wear him out...or bore him. Let's face it. We are all supposed to be grown so treat him with the same amount of respect and reverence that you expect. I had a girlfriend who missed out on a great guy by playing coy and chase me for way too long. He thought that she wasn't really interested and was just trying to play him...and he was wrong. She was just so used to playing that same game for so long that she missed out. It was a shame too since he really liked her. Now he has a bad impression of her that is a real case of mistaken identity. No matter how she tries to explain, he won't be buying it. If you like him allow him to pursue you but don't get so far ahead of him that you lose his attention. You ain't the only cat in the jungle, ya know.
Here are some Myths dispelled: (of course this is based on my expierences and what I've witness from others)
1. "Can you pay these bills up in here?"
Ladies....Now, I am all for letting man be a man and letting him help you if you are in a desparte situation BUT...why can't you pay your own bills like you were (hopefully) doing before you laid eyes on this brothaman? Being dependent and independent is a lopsided way to live. You can't be both. You want your bills paid but you'll be quick to tell a man about how this is YOUR house...etc etc blah blah blah. Handle your own business. Real men that about about something do not want a woman that is not on her money...trust that. They'll sleep with you...but that's it.
2. If you tell a man what you are NOT going to put up with and then you put up with it...guess what?? you have ZERO credibility. If you tell him that you will not tolerate him cheating on you and you catch him cheating more than once and continue to see him....you have ZERO credibility.
3. Playing coy is a tricky thing. On the one hand, you don't want to come off as too bold thus creating the illusion that you are what kids today call 'thirsty'. On the other hand, playing coy sends some men the wrong message. Yes, some men like to chase but don't run to fast or too long or you'll wear him out...or bore him. Let's face it. We are all supposed to be grown so treat him with the same amount of respect and reverence that you expect. I had a girlfriend who missed out on a great guy by playing coy and chase me for way too long. He thought that she wasn't really interested and was just trying to play him...and he was wrong. She was just so used to playing that same game for so long that she missed out. It was a shame too since he really liked her. Now he has a bad impression of her that is a real case of mistaken identity. No matter how she tries to explain, he won't be buying it. If you like him allow him to pursue you but don't get so far ahead of him that you lose his attention. You ain't the only cat in the jungle, ya know.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Day 15
We're on our way out to dine at one of our favorite spots. It's not big or fancy but food is excellent, the service is wonderful and the atmosphere is warm and romantic. This is our day to spend some QT together...just me and him. I'm staring out the passenger window listening to one of his favorite XM radio stations. His car smells like conditioned leather, coconut airfreshner and him...all man mixed with cologne and....Ivory soap. (smile)
As we coast along the expressway, I keep my attention on what's going on outside the car so I won't look at the speedometer...I know he's speeding..at least a little. We're both very quiet which is not unsual for him since he's the silence to all of my noise. "You alright, Ella?" he asks.
I smile slyly. "I'm just trying to keep my hands to myself."
He chuckles and shakes his head. We exit the "E-way" and come to a stop light. I take this opportunity to turn towards him so I can look him over. He stares back at me with those soulful eyes of his. I let my eyes wander all over him and when look back at his face, he blushes and looks away. "You something else, you know that?" is all he can say. "Yeah." I say looking back out of my own window "but I'm your something else."
The green turning arrow flashes as the line of cars in front of us starts to proceed forward.
"Just so you know," he says "I will NOT be keeping my hands to myself tonight."
Could my grin get any bigger?
The green turning arrow flashes as the line of cars in front of us starts to proceed forward.
"Just so you know," he says "I will NOT be keeping my hands to myself tonight."
Could my grin get any bigger?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Day 14
No writing for two days...dang it all.
Tomorrow we celebrate the birthday of the Reverand Dr. Martin Luther King jr and the civil rights movement. I often wonder had I been born during that time, what my contribution would have been to the movement. Would I have been actively fighting for freedom or would I just have been someone standing by too afraid to speak up? too afraid of what may happen if I do? I never take my freedom for granted. I know that all it can take is a pen and a piece of government paper to take it away.
What saddens me is that as far forward as we have come, we are still bound. We take two steps forward and three steps back. So many of our children do not know enough about where we've been nor who we are. They don't realize who paved the way for the freedoms that we take for granted.
Our kids are killing each other at alarming rates...over what seems to be no reason at all other that they just have no regard for human life...not even their own. I don't blame the kids really...their parents, grandparents and those before them are really at fault. We cannot rely on the broken school system to teach our history to our children. This is our job. I believe that we are failing this test. How can we teach what we ourselves do not know. I know some adults who don't our history either. Who is Harriet Tubman, Sojouner Truth, Nat Turner, WEB Dubois, Ralph Abernathy, or any of the black panther leader who had good intentions...at least initally.
One question that remains on my mind...where we will be 20 years from now?
Tomorrow we celebrate the birthday of the Reverand Dr. Martin Luther King jr and the civil rights movement. I often wonder had I been born during that time, what my contribution would have been to the movement. Would I have been actively fighting for freedom or would I just have been someone standing by too afraid to speak up? too afraid of what may happen if I do? I never take my freedom for granted. I know that all it can take is a pen and a piece of government paper to take it away.
What saddens me is that as far forward as we have come, we are still bound. We take two steps forward and three steps back. So many of our children do not know enough about where we've been nor who we are. They don't realize who paved the way for the freedoms that we take for granted.
Our kids are killing each other at alarming rates...over what seems to be no reason at all other that they just have no regard for human life...not even their own. I don't blame the kids really...their parents, grandparents and those before them are really at fault. We cannot rely on the broken school system to teach our history to our children. This is our job. I believe that we are failing this test. How can we teach what we ourselves do not know. I know some adults who don't our history either. Who is Harriet Tubman, Sojouner Truth, Nat Turner, WEB Dubois, Ralph Abernathy, or any of the black panther leader who had good intentions...at least initally.
One question that remains on my mind...where we will be 20 years from now?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Day 13
Everytime there is devestation in the world, I am reminded how blessed I am. It brings to mind how small my problems are in comparison. Why am I complaining? I could be in Afganistan, Kabul, Rowanda or Haiti. I could be hungry, homeless, hated....but I'm not. Everything that I have is a blessing. Every breath that I take, though not even deserved, it freely given to me by my Father in Heaven. Instead of talking about, whining about, lamenting about what I don't have...I should be mindful of what I do have. Things can be taken away from you. People that you love can suddenly be gone. I will keep this foremost in my mind when I get that pity party invitation.
Forgive me Father for taking advantage of your love, grace and mercy. I never want to take those things for granted. I thank you, love you and praise you for everything big and small.
Amen
Forgive me Father for taking advantage of your love, grace and mercy. I never want to take those things for granted. I thank you, love you and praise you for everything big and small.
Amen
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
day 12
Why is it that women let themselves go? I don't mean not getting your hair done as much or that it's been a month since your last mani or pedi but really letting go? Now I can understand women with small children in the house. Who has time for primping when you've got a 3 year old, a 5 year old and a 7 year old needing ALL of your attention. (although...if you're married, you have to remember what you did to hook him, right. Also, he might want to pitch in and help you out a little sometimes)
I am talking about empty nesters and those of us who are still single or those single due to circumstances. Why don't we do what we used to do? I still do SOME things that I used to do but I am getting a little slack and I have NO excuse. I used to be a better dresser. I'm not really taking care of myself as much as I used to. Not getting proper sleep, not really keeping the house as clean (although it's not bad...yet). What happened? I don't really know. I don't feel bad about myself or depressed. Maybe I have just gotten complacent about me. I still take care of my skin and my hair is all natural now and I take care of it but the rest of me??? well I need to really step up.
Not because of some man but for me. I have watched attractive women just let themselves go so far away from what they once were that you hardly recognize them anymore and they just seem so unhappy to me. I don't want to be that woman. Not now and not 10 years or 20 years from now.
So what's my solution? I am going to make an attempt and 'righting' some things. It is amazing to me how seemingly lazy that I have become. I try not to get upset with myself but it kind of difficult. Since I am not a very organized person, that is the first thing that I need to work on.
hmmmm that's all I'ma say tonight.
GN
I am talking about empty nesters and those of us who are still single or those single due to circumstances. Why don't we do what we used to do? I still do SOME things that I used to do but I am getting a little slack and I have NO excuse. I used to be a better dresser. I'm not really taking care of myself as much as I used to. Not getting proper sleep, not really keeping the house as clean (although it's not bad...yet). What happened? I don't really know. I don't feel bad about myself or depressed. Maybe I have just gotten complacent about me. I still take care of my skin and my hair is all natural now and I take care of it but the rest of me??? well I need to really step up.
Not because of some man but for me. I have watched attractive women just let themselves go so far away from what they once were that you hardly recognize them anymore and they just seem so unhappy to me. I don't want to be that woman. Not now and not 10 years or 20 years from now.
So what's my solution? I am going to make an attempt and 'righting' some things. It is amazing to me how seemingly lazy that I have become. I try not to get upset with myself but it kind of difficult. Since I am not a very organized person, that is the first thing that I need to work on.
hmmmm that's all I'ma say tonight.
GN
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Day 11
I love:
1. Jesus...thank you Lord
2. The smell of freshly cut grass
3. That butter popcorn smell at the movies
4. My bed after I change my sheets and put baby powder inbetween the mattress and mattress pad.
5. the way my skin feels after I put shea butter all over it.
6. McDonalds french fries or basically any french fries...unfortunately
7. the smell of coffee brewing
8. the smell of tea brewing
9. the smell of bread baking
10. the smell of Ivory soap on a man's freshly showered body
11. Chocolate...everything about it LOL
12. A really good book
13. documentaries about travel and well..just about anything
14. babies...man, they are so cute
15. Puppies
16. Summer nights
17. sitting by a water front(water is very soothing)
18. a beautiful landscape (seeing it from a distance)
19. Pajamas (I have lots and want lots more)
20. New Panties...I always buy some when I go shopping
21. Music
22. Writing
23. drawing (even though I'm not very good at it)
24. Old sit coms
25. Laughing
26. Staying in nice hotels (though I don't get to do it often)
27. My blankie (yes I have a blankie like Linus)
28. British Mysteries
29. my natural hair
30. sleeping late when I'm off work
31. NPR and PBS
32. the way it smells outside after it rains
33. how my car looks when I get it washed (which is not often enough)
34. the smell of dried Eucalyptus leaves
35. Nectarines (the taste and the smell)
36. Melons (honeydew and cantalope)
37. Pineapples
38. Pure Apple Juice (like Simply Apple)
39. Seafood
40. oh yeah...my family LOL
41. My house
Okay with the exception of the first one...these are not in any order of importance.
Good night....
*how many days left?
1. Jesus...thank you Lord
2. The smell of freshly cut grass
3. That butter popcorn smell at the movies
4. My bed after I change my sheets and put baby powder inbetween the mattress and mattress pad.
5. the way my skin feels after I put shea butter all over it.
6. McDonalds french fries or basically any french fries...unfortunately
7. the smell of coffee brewing
8. the smell of tea brewing
9. the smell of bread baking
10. the smell of Ivory soap on a man's freshly showered body
11. Chocolate...everything about it LOL
12. A really good book
13. documentaries about travel and well..just about anything
14. babies...man, they are so cute
15. Puppies
16. Summer nights
17. sitting by a water front(water is very soothing)
18. a beautiful landscape (seeing it from a distance)
19. Pajamas (I have lots and want lots more)
20. New Panties...I always buy some when I go shopping
21. Music
22. Writing
23. drawing (even though I'm not very good at it)
24. Old sit coms
25. Laughing
26. Staying in nice hotels (though I don't get to do it often)
27. My blankie (yes I have a blankie like Linus)
28. British Mysteries
29. my natural hair
30. sleeping late when I'm off work
31. NPR and PBS
32. the way it smells outside after it rains
33. how my car looks when I get it washed (which is not often enough)
34. the smell of dried Eucalyptus leaves
35. Nectarines (the taste and the smell)
36. Melons (honeydew and cantalope)
37. Pineapples
38. Pure Apple Juice (like Simply Apple)
39. Seafood
40. oh yeah...my family LOL
41. My house
Okay with the exception of the first one...these are not in any order of importance.
Good night....
*how many days left?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Day 10
Today was a very stressful day at work. I just wanted to come home and go to sleep; instead I ate a good salad and read a steamy book for a couple of hours. I am determined that tomorrow will be different. One thing that I need to do is get organized. Second thing, set some boundries for all of the inturruptions that go on. Then I can set some goals and actually reach them. It's Monday and already I want it to be Friday. LOL
I was thinking about taking Tuesday off but that would put me that much more behind and there is really no point in wimping out right now.
My birthday's coming up in another month and I am already thinking about my little spa excursion that I have done the past couple of years.
I am thinking about doing a detox diet for about two weeks (a healthy one) so I have been researching them. Mostly the healthy ones are just eating right and eating mainly veggie. It looks do-able. Also, I need to get back on track with working out but by the time I get home, I am way too tired and getting up earlier...well I have gotten out of the habit with it. I am going to try to get to bed earlier tomorrow or Weds so I can see if I can get up and do a morning walk. (like I used to do) It made me feel better and it was a good way to start off the day.
Okay, it's 10pm and past time for me to get my butt in the bed.
I was thinking about taking Tuesday off but that would put me that much more behind and there is really no point in wimping out right now.
My birthday's coming up in another month and I am already thinking about my little spa excursion that I have done the past couple of years.
I am thinking about doing a detox diet for about two weeks (a healthy one) so I have been researching them. Mostly the healthy ones are just eating right and eating mainly veggie. It looks do-able. Also, I need to get back on track with working out but by the time I get home, I am way too tired and getting up earlier...well I have gotten out of the habit with it. I am going to try to get to bed earlier tomorrow or Weds so I can see if I can get up and do a morning walk. (like I used to do) It made me feel better and it was a good way to start off the day.
Okay, it's 10pm and past time for me to get my butt in the bed.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Day 9 (part II)
It had been 3 months since her move to Charleston and she was settling in pretty well to her everday routine of work and getting her house the way she wanted it. Her job at the University was a dream. She worked for Dr. T. Williams who was the Director of Student Affairs. She liked Dr. Williams. He loved his job, had about 5 different degrees and had encouraged her to pursue her Masters. She even met Kim and LaDonna, a couple of sisters who grew up in the area and made it their personal mission to share with her everything the area had to offer. She met them at a campus faculty meeting and they hit it off right away. Kim was a Financial Aid Officer and LaDonna was one of the Univerisities most popular professors. They were twins but as different as night and day. One thing that they had in common was their love of cooking and music.
Val even managed to talk then into giving her cooking lessons, which she so richly needed. How was she going to get a man, if she can only scramble eggs and make toast? You can only make a brother so many sandwiches before he gets tired of them.
Sadly, she had not run into JD again after their encounter at Java and she had no idea what she did with the card that he gave her. What was the name of that place on the card?
Val even managed to talk then into giving her cooking lessons, which she so richly needed. How was she going to get a man, if she can only scramble eggs and make toast? You can only make a brother so many sandwiches before he gets tired of them.
Sadly, she had not run into JD again after their encounter at Java and she had no idea what she did with the card that he gave her. What was the name of that place on the card?
Day 9 (part 1)
I was supposed to write last night and I had every intention of doing so but...hmmm I don't know what happened. So today I am going to write twice! This morning I was thinking about bullies. Not necessarily the childhood ones but worse..the adult ones. (but let me give you a little background for a minute)
When you think back on your childhood bully, you probably have some pretty horrible memories. In elementary school there was this girl named Yvonne. She was bigger than the rest of us and trust me I tried to be in the very opposite direction of anywhere she would be. She had a habit of picking out a kid each week and telling them that at 3pm she was going to kick your butt on the playground. I had escaped her wrath but then one day....I cannot even convey to you how terrified I was. It was bad enough being bullied at home so school was my escape from that then....Yvonne was after me. I thought that she was going to kill me. Obviously, it didn't happen (and she didn't catch me).
One of my many pet peeves (and God knows that I have a few) are adult bullies. Now, I have a pretty strong personality so I know that I have to sometimes temper myself but what type of grown person preys on other people??? Who in the blank do they think that they are?? I work with one and trust me...she and I butt heads quite a bit. She is in a position of authority (over me) so there's a added hurdle there. We have already had a couple of issues that resulted in me having someone give her a 'good talking to' so I know that I'm on 'the list' with her.
What am I going to do? Well, I prayed about it. (mainly so I won't jump on her lol) God told me to insulate myself. She can say whatever she wants. I don't have to react to it. He also informed me that nobody told me that I had to be her best friend. Respect her authority, make sure she respects you (there are company guidelines for that) and mostly don't swallow her negative energy. It's already stressful out here. If I insulate myself, (which is what the bible talks about when it references putting on the Armor of God) I won't let that garbage in. Why should I stress myself out with her insecurities? Now, this is not easy some days but when she starts talking ish I try to go to my 'happy place'...IMMEDIATELY. It's just 8 hours out of my whole day...I still have 16 hours left that I don't have to look at her, deal with her or talk to her.
whew...I feel better just saying that. lol
(blog two later)
When you think back on your childhood bully, you probably have some pretty horrible memories. In elementary school there was this girl named Yvonne. She was bigger than the rest of us and trust me I tried to be in the very opposite direction of anywhere she would be. She had a habit of picking out a kid each week and telling them that at 3pm she was going to kick your butt on the playground. I had escaped her wrath but then one day....I cannot even convey to you how terrified I was. It was bad enough being bullied at home so school was my escape from that then....Yvonne was after me. I thought that she was going to kill me. Obviously, it didn't happen (and she didn't catch me).
One of my many pet peeves (and God knows that I have a few) are adult bullies. Now, I have a pretty strong personality so I know that I have to sometimes temper myself but what type of grown person preys on other people??? Who in the blank do they think that they are?? I work with one and trust me...she and I butt heads quite a bit. She is in a position of authority (over me) so there's a added hurdle there. We have already had a couple of issues that resulted in me having someone give her a 'good talking to' so I know that I'm on 'the list' with her.
What am I going to do? Well, I prayed about it. (mainly so I won't jump on her lol) God told me to insulate myself. She can say whatever she wants. I don't have to react to it. He also informed me that nobody told me that I had to be her best friend. Respect her authority, make sure she respects you (there are company guidelines for that) and mostly don't swallow her negative energy. It's already stressful out here. If I insulate myself, (which is what the bible talks about when it references putting on the Armor of God) I won't let that garbage in. Why should I stress myself out with her insecurities? Now, this is not easy some days but when she starts talking ish I try to go to my 'happy place'...IMMEDIATELY. It's just 8 hours out of my whole day...I still have 16 hours left that I don't have to look at her, deal with her or talk to her.
whew...I feel better just saying that. lol
(blog two later)
Friday, January 8, 2010
Day 8
I thought that I would have more dating stuff but I don't feel like talking about that t0day. I was reading another blog and saw that someone had tagged her to do 10 honest answers so that is what I am feeling today. Here are 10 very honest things about me:
1. I am a terrible procratinator.
2. My eating habits are better than they were but I have a long long way to go.
3. I hate going to bed early or getting up early on the weekends
4. I've always felt like I was different from everybody else...and not always in a good way.
5. I only like to go shopping when it's for a specific reason. I hate window shopping unless I am comparison shopping.
6. I am embarrassed that I snore.
7. I love eating out and I probably do it too much.
8. I want to be a writer but I have committment issues with it (along with the procrastination thing)
9. I can't get through my day without music.
10. I try to be humble and grateful since I know that God has given me so much more than I deserve.
24 days :)
1. I am a terrible procratinator.
2. My eating habits are better than they were but I have a long long way to go.
3. I hate going to bed early or getting up early on the weekends
4. I've always felt like I was different from everybody else...and not always in a good way.
5. I only like to go shopping when it's for a specific reason. I hate window shopping unless I am comparison shopping.
6. I am embarrassed that I snore.
7. I love eating out and I probably do it too much.
8. I want to be a writer but I have committment issues with it (along with the procrastination thing)
9. I can't get through my day without music.
10. I try to be humble and grateful since I know that God has given me so much more than I deserve.
24 days :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Day 7
continuing the dating talk.....
9. Don't rely on your SO to validate you. You are responsible for your own happiness and well being. No, that is not being selfish..it's a self esteem thing. Besides it puts too much pressure on the other person. There is nothing wrong with hearing them tell you that you look good, you are so sexy, you are so smart. It's always good to hear a compliment from someone whose opinion that you respect, admire and even love. You have to believe that you are an intelligent , sexy, etc type of person and not just because he or she says so. This also speaks to self esteem...
10. Esteem is defined by Webster as "to set a high value on". What are you worth? You have to know this without a relationship. Are you worthy of love? Don't even think about dating until you figure those questions out.
11. Know what you want...ahead of time. I wasted so much of my recent dating experience being with a person and not knowing what I wanted. I was just dating to be....welll.....dating, I guess. How can you articulate what you want to someone else when you have no clue? and when you know what you want......
12. Stand firm on it!! Don't start talking yourself out of it just because you HAVE to be with this one particular person or even worse...you don't want to be alone. I know being alone is tough sometimes. Loneliness can really get the best of you and make you do some real stupid ish like call that ex that did you so very wrong and give him or her some nukki...that's why...
13. You have go out and get a life! Having a life does not always mean that you have to be paired up romantically. Find something to do...get a hobby, go back to school, *finish some projects in your house (*that one is for me) and generally just get you some "bizness". LOL Sitting around the house and wallowing in your loneliness is pitiful. You only get to ride this ride ONE time. Do something besides pout about the fact that you 'ain't got nobody'. Count it as a blessing...look at it this way...you could be caught up in some relationship that's got your heart aching and your head all f...oops I mean messed up.
14. I am so blessed that I have relatives that don't ask me 100000 times about 'when you gettin' married?'. Hell, I guess after 40, they've just given up. (I haven't though) Those of you who have family and friends who just keep asking you the proverbial marriage question, I feel for you. I don't have a fix for that one other than time BUT you can re direct the conversation by doing #13. You'll be so busy telling them all about your trip to Spain, they can have something else to talk about besides 'where is yo man at'? lol
15. Whether it's white or bold face...a lie is a lie...is a lie and dating a liar is about as bad as dating a murderer (no, I don't know any murderers lol). Trust is a mainstay of a relationship. It's like that one beam in your house that holds the roof up. If you remove that, the whole thing is going to collapse. A relationship with a liar can only end up one way..badly.
I think I've got a few more....we'll see what tomorrow holds
25 days
9. Don't rely on your SO to validate you. You are responsible for your own happiness and well being. No, that is not being selfish..it's a self esteem thing. Besides it puts too much pressure on the other person. There is nothing wrong with hearing them tell you that you look good, you are so sexy, you are so smart. It's always good to hear a compliment from someone whose opinion that you respect, admire and even love. You have to believe that you are an intelligent , sexy, etc type of person and not just because he or she says so. This also speaks to self esteem...
10. Esteem is defined by Webster as "to set a high value on". What are you worth? You have to know this without a relationship. Are you worthy of love? Don't even think about dating until you figure those questions out.
11. Know what you want...ahead of time. I wasted so much of my recent dating experience being with a person and not knowing what I wanted. I was just dating to be....welll.....dating, I guess. How can you articulate what you want to someone else when you have no clue? and when you know what you want......
12. Stand firm on it!! Don't start talking yourself out of it just because you HAVE to be with this one particular person or even worse...you don't want to be alone. I know being alone is tough sometimes. Loneliness can really get the best of you and make you do some real stupid ish like call that ex that did you so very wrong and give him or her some nukki...that's why...
13. You have go out and get a life! Having a life does not always mean that you have to be paired up romantically. Find something to do...get a hobby, go back to school, *finish some projects in your house (*that one is for me) and generally just get you some "bizness". LOL Sitting around the house and wallowing in your loneliness is pitiful. You only get to ride this ride ONE time. Do something besides pout about the fact that you 'ain't got nobody'. Count it as a blessing...look at it this way...you could be caught up in some relationship that's got your heart aching and your head all f...oops I mean messed up.
14. I am so blessed that I have relatives that don't ask me 100000 times about 'when you gettin' married?'. Hell, I guess after 40, they've just given up. (I haven't though) Those of you who have family and friends who just keep asking you the proverbial marriage question, I feel for you. I don't have a fix for that one other than time BUT you can re direct the conversation by doing #13. You'll be so busy telling them all about your trip to Spain, they can have something else to talk about besides 'where is yo man at'? lol
15. Whether it's white or bold face...a lie is a lie...is a lie and dating a liar is about as bad as dating a murderer (no, I don't know any murderers lol). Trust is a mainstay of a relationship. It's like that one beam in your house that holds the roof up. If you remove that, the whole thing is going to collapse. A relationship with a liar can only end up one way..badly.
I think I've got a few more....we'll see what tomorrow holds
25 days
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Day 6
Today's topic is dating...what to do and what not to do. Now this is obviously based on my experiences with men or my gfs experiences that I witnessed.
A little background...I was 17 when I started dating. I've never married and I'm in my early 40s.
1. Do NOT allow the other person to belittle you or talk to you disrespectfully. (or your friends)
2. Do NOT start lending the person money. Now it's okay to help someone out sometimes (and I do mean SOMETIMES) but...if someone is not a good steward over their own money, they won't be a good steward over yours. Besides, how are you going to feel when they don't pay you back and then things don't work out? (like a fool)
3. Do NOT let our SO get away with flirting with your friends, your co workers, etc. Anybody that exhibits that type of behavior is almost 1000 percent certain to cheat on you. (with one of those same folks)
4. If he/she is not calling you on a regular basis and seeing you on a regular basis, they are not into you and could possibly be using you. (see #3) If someone like you, they 'gotta' see you and they most certainly 'gotta' talk to you. Don't accept that I'm busy bullshit. There is a cell phone in just about everybody's pocket...they could have called you several times a day. This leads to the next one...
5. There is nothing wrong with texting and emailing your SO but...if that is the main way you communicate, it is unacceptable. Ask yourself why this person is NOT calling you or seeing you...and see #4.
6. What type of things do you do when you spend time together? If the answer is sex and sex alone....STOP . This person is not interested in YOU but is very interested in your skills. (which I congratulate you on...but I digress) Seriously, if this person is not going....bowling, movies, out to eat, to a house party, etc with you and only comes over for a vid rental and some horizontal mambo...get rid of them OR keep them, demote them concubine status and go shopping for love. (when you meet someone real....dump them immediately) Of course it would be better if you just leave the person alone long before you start shopping again but I had to throw in an option for those of you are weak in that area.
7. Do NOT compromise who you are to fit what this person wants. If the person that you are with is trying to change you (and I don't mean things that make you better like going back to school, eating better, getting more sleep and ish like that).....you have to wonder if they like you in the first place. Who are they trying to make you over to be? If a person likes you, they accept you for who you are. They have to decide (and so do you ) that they can live with all of your quirks before they move forward. Speaking of change....
8. I heard an old saying that you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Hey this works for men and women. Why are you trying to make a person into something that they are not? If he/she is the noncommittement type....stop trying to change them into the Queen or King that you have made them up to be..in your own love blind mind. You think that if you just wow them with all of your magnificance, they will love you sooooo much that they will want to change. This may work, but the chance of it is very very slim. Why would you waste your precious time and your even more precious love on that type of foolishness? You need to be in the very opposite direction of wherever this person is going.
More tomorrow
26 days :)
A little background...I was 17 when I started dating. I've never married and I'm in my early 40s.
1. Do NOT allow the other person to belittle you or talk to you disrespectfully. (or your friends)
2. Do NOT start lending the person money. Now it's okay to help someone out sometimes (and I do mean SOMETIMES) but...if someone is not a good steward over their own money, they won't be a good steward over yours. Besides, how are you going to feel when they don't pay you back and then things don't work out? (like a fool)
3. Do NOT let our SO get away with flirting with your friends, your co workers, etc. Anybody that exhibits that type of behavior is almost 1000 percent certain to cheat on you. (with one of those same folks)
4. If he/she is not calling you on a regular basis and seeing you on a regular basis, they are not into you and could possibly be using you. (see #3) If someone like you, they 'gotta' see you and they most certainly 'gotta' talk to you. Don't accept that I'm busy bullshit. There is a cell phone in just about everybody's pocket...they could have called you several times a day. This leads to the next one...
5. There is nothing wrong with texting and emailing your SO but...if that is the main way you communicate, it is unacceptable. Ask yourself why this person is NOT calling you or seeing you...and see #4.
6. What type of things do you do when you spend time together? If the answer is sex and sex alone....STOP . This person is not interested in YOU but is very interested in your skills. (which I congratulate you on...but I digress) Seriously, if this person is not going....bowling, movies, out to eat, to a house party, etc with you and only comes over for a vid rental and some horizontal mambo...get rid of them OR keep them, demote them concubine status and go shopping for love. (when you meet someone real....dump them immediately) Of course it would be better if you just leave the person alone long before you start shopping again but I had to throw in an option for those of you are weak in that area.
7. Do NOT compromise who you are to fit what this person wants. If the person that you are with is trying to change you (and I don't mean things that make you better like going back to school, eating better, getting more sleep and ish like that).....you have to wonder if they like you in the first place. Who are they trying to make you over to be? If a person likes you, they accept you for who you are. They have to decide (and so do you ) that they can live with all of your quirks before they move forward. Speaking of change....
8. I heard an old saying that you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Hey this works for men and women. Why are you trying to make a person into something that they are not? If he/she is the noncommittement type....stop trying to change them into the Queen or King that you have made them up to be..in your own love blind mind. You think that if you just wow them with all of your magnificance, they will love you sooooo much that they will want to change. This may work, but the chance of it is very very slim. Why would you waste your precious time and your even more precious love on that type of foolishness? You need to be in the very opposite direction of wherever this person is going.
More tomorrow
26 days :)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Day 5
I don't really have anything to say today. My head is pretty empty right now so writing this blog is kind of tough at the moment. Plus there's my constant need to edit it over and over, which is silly since the thoughts should be random...except when I'm writing a story. Hmmm how was work today? Okay, kind of boring but Praise God that I have a job right now. How was my commute? Okay, blasted my music all the way home, as usual. What's the weather like? Freezing! I love Chicago but hate the winter weather. I will never get used to it. I have been thinking about moving some place warm but with what is going on in the ecomomy, that is a little out of the question. I was going to write a poem today but poetry is not really my strength. I am planning on going book shopping this weekend for my book club and picking out some nominations for the various catagories that we picked. I wanted to take a jewelry making class but haven't signed up yet. The pottery class that I wanted to take starts 1/27 but I don't want to go to school in the bitter winter unless it's on line. I did not find an online writting class that I wanted, so...no school. I will be buying the jewelry making book so I can start making my hoop earrings. We'll see how it goes. It sounds kind of fun. I need to go to the grocery store but..well I don't feel like doing that either. Maybe I'll do it on the way home before the end of the week. Well, I guess that I'm done.....Goodnight.
(27 days)
(27 days)
Monday, January 4, 2010
Day 4
Me: I've been neglecting you. Don't you feel neglected? Unappreciated?
16750: Well, I'm a little older so a little more high maintenence. Plus, you just don't know what to do, how to do it and then there's that other thing.
Me: ((sigh)) What other thing?
16750: cash-ola...you're a little over extended credit wise, right?
Me: Amen to that but don't help with the excuses. I'm Queen of the Excuse people.
16750: just trying to help you out...what do you want me to say...you're lazy? you're irresponsible? that's not entirely accurate. Not entirely...lol
Me: Maybe I just got in over my head. I don't want to seem ungrateful. Besides, I prayed to have you and now....well....
16750: There are some things that you CAN do yourself. You're a terrible procrastinator, you know.
Me: Ain't that the truth. LOL Seriously, I need to tackle this list one day.
16750: Well, it is winter and we both know how you like to hibernate. We spend a lot of time together in this type of weather. Why don't you just make another list and do what you can?
Me: I suck.
16750: Whining is not an option, so cut it out! Your father has been very generous with you. He just wants you to do what you can and trust him to work the rest out. You know how much he loves you. I hear you talking about it, singing about it...all the time.
Me: Okay, you're right. Besides, I got to stop neglecting you. How did you get so wise?
16750: Hey, I was born...I mean built in '48 , with age comes wisdom.
Me: and drafty windows, and a leaky roof, and peeling paint, and old plumbing and.....
16750: LOL point taken.
(28 days)
16750: Well, I'm a little older so a little more high maintenence. Plus, you just don't know what to do, how to do it and then there's that other thing.
Me: ((sigh)) What other thing?
16750: cash-ola...you're a little over extended credit wise, right?
Me: Amen to that but don't help with the excuses. I'm Queen of the Excuse people.
16750: just trying to help you out...what do you want me to say...you're lazy? you're irresponsible? that's not entirely accurate. Not entirely...lol
Me: Maybe I just got in over my head. I don't want to seem ungrateful. Besides, I prayed to have you and now....well....
16750: There are some things that you CAN do yourself. You're a terrible procrastinator, you know.
Me: Ain't that the truth. LOL Seriously, I need to tackle this list one day.
16750: Well, it is winter and we both know how you like to hibernate. We spend a lot of time together in this type of weather. Why don't you just make another list and do what you can?
Me: I suck.
16750: Whining is not an option, so cut it out! Your father has been very generous with you. He just wants you to do what you can and trust him to work the rest out. You know how much he loves you. I hear you talking about it, singing about it...all the time.
Me: Okay, you're right. Besides, I got to stop neglecting you. How did you get so wise?
16750: Hey, I was born...I mean built in '48 , with age comes wisdom.
Me: and drafty windows, and a leaky roof, and peeling paint, and old plumbing and.....
16750: LOL point taken.
(28 days)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Day 3
A warm, sun filled Saturday was a perfect for a day for exploring her new found surroundings. With these last few weeks of unpacking, moving furniture and working, it was time to get out and familarize herself with her new hometown. Who knew that 3 months would go by so quickly?
She had to hand it to her real estate agent, she truly earned her commission finding her a small but completely renovated house within walking distance of the city's artsy area. There were shops, restaurants, galleries, bookstores, bakeries and a coffee house or two. Music from the areas local bars spilled out into onto the sidewalk.
Having walked for well over an hour, she was ready to find a spot to sit, eat and rest her feet. A coffee house appropriately named Java Sip with it's corner location and al fresco dining seemed like a good place to sit and do some serious people watching. She ordered a green tea and a toasted apple raisin bagel with a side of Javas famous homemade cream cheese. The staff was warm and friendly welcoming her to the area and throwing in a complimentary order of a popular citrus fruit salad.
It took a few minutes of scanning the outside seating area to find an empty cafe table but she finaly spied one and swiftly made her way to it before it became occupied. As suspected, the bagel, fruit salad and tea was delicious. She added herself the list of people who loved the homemade cream cheese and made a mental note not to love it too much that she would forget that she was trying to lose some weight.
She sat back and looked around the dining area while she sipped her tea. There was a young couple seated with their toddler, two tables of older women all wearing red hats and laughing heartily. A tall, leggy redhead typed steadily on her laptop while pausing to take big gulps of her coffee.
Satisfied that she had seen everything on one side of the cafe, she shifted slightly in her chair to get a different view. The table next to her was empty but the corner table was occupied by a brother who seemed deeply engrossed in his newspaper. He sat back, one of his legs was causually moving left and right as he read and sipped. From what she could see, he looked like he might be kind of cute. He was wearing cuffed, off white linen pants. His multi colored cuban shirt covered what looked like very broad shoulders. With the addition of his sandals, he looked comfortable and well put together. 'I bet he smells really good,' she thought. She no sooner finished her thought, when he looked up from his paper and directly into her eyes. She quickly averted her attention to the top of her table, spilling a little tea on her t shirt. She glanced back at him which made him chuckle. His light brown eyes still set on her. Oh my God, what was he thinking?
She stared off into the opposite corner and nervously sipped her tea as she willed her heart rate back down to normal. 'Damn', she thought, 'how embarrasing'. She was just about to turn to offer him an apology, when she noticed that he was making his way towards her table. She was wrong about his being cute, he was fine and the closer he got, the more she wanted to melt into her chair.
"Hello." he said.
She strained out a greeting that she thinks sounded like a hello but she wasn't really sure since she was holding her breath.
"I'm David and you are?" he asked.
"I'm, um" She cleared her throat, ," I'm Valerie." She finally managed to get out. She was wondering what he would think if she stood up, put her hand in his partially open shirt and started rubbing his chest. She sat there looking up at him, hoping that he wasn't a mind reader.
He smiled at her then reached into his pants pocket. She tried like hell to keep her eyes from going there. His hand produced what looked like a business card. The background of the card was black and it was peppered with gold musical notes. On it was an address and a telephone number to a place called Revel, all beautifully written in the same gold letters.
"Welcome to Charleston, Valerie. " He winked at her, placed his straw hat on his head then turned and strolled away.
She watched him walk down the block noting that the view from the back was just as impressive.
(29 more days)
She had to hand it to her real estate agent, she truly earned her commission finding her a small but completely renovated house within walking distance of the city's artsy area. There were shops, restaurants, galleries, bookstores, bakeries and a coffee house or two. Music from the areas local bars spilled out into onto the sidewalk.
Having walked for well over an hour, she was ready to find a spot to sit, eat and rest her feet. A coffee house appropriately named Java Sip with it's corner location and al fresco dining seemed like a good place to sit and do some serious people watching. She ordered a green tea and a toasted apple raisin bagel with a side of Javas famous homemade cream cheese. The staff was warm and friendly welcoming her to the area and throwing in a complimentary order of a popular citrus fruit salad.
It took a few minutes of scanning the outside seating area to find an empty cafe table but she finaly spied one and swiftly made her way to it before it became occupied. As suspected, the bagel, fruit salad and tea was delicious. She added herself the list of people who loved the homemade cream cheese and made a mental note not to love it too much that she would forget that she was trying to lose some weight.
She sat back and looked around the dining area while she sipped her tea. There was a young couple seated with their toddler, two tables of older women all wearing red hats and laughing heartily. A tall, leggy redhead typed steadily on her laptop while pausing to take big gulps of her coffee.
Satisfied that she had seen everything on one side of the cafe, she shifted slightly in her chair to get a different view. The table next to her was empty but the corner table was occupied by a brother who seemed deeply engrossed in his newspaper. He sat back, one of his legs was causually moving left and right as he read and sipped. From what she could see, he looked like he might be kind of cute. He was wearing cuffed, off white linen pants. His multi colored cuban shirt covered what looked like very broad shoulders. With the addition of his sandals, he looked comfortable and well put together. 'I bet he smells really good,' she thought. She no sooner finished her thought, when he looked up from his paper and directly into her eyes. She quickly averted her attention to the top of her table, spilling a little tea on her t shirt. She glanced back at him which made him chuckle. His light brown eyes still set on her. Oh my God, what was he thinking?
She stared off into the opposite corner and nervously sipped her tea as she willed her heart rate back down to normal. 'Damn', she thought, 'how embarrasing'. She was just about to turn to offer him an apology, when she noticed that he was making his way towards her table. She was wrong about his being cute, he was fine and the closer he got, the more she wanted to melt into her chair.
"Hello." he said.
She strained out a greeting that she thinks sounded like a hello but she wasn't really sure since she was holding her breath.
"I'm David and you are?" he asked.
"I'm, um" She cleared her throat, ," I'm Valerie." She finally managed to get out. She was wondering what he would think if she stood up, put her hand in his partially open shirt and started rubbing his chest. She sat there looking up at him, hoping that he wasn't a mind reader.
He smiled at her then reached into his pants pocket. She tried like hell to keep her eyes from going there. His hand produced what looked like a business card. The background of the card was black and it was peppered with gold musical notes. On it was an address and a telephone number to a place called Revel, all beautifully written in the same gold letters.
"Welcome to Charleston, Valerie. " He winked at her, placed his straw hat on his head then turned and strolled away.
She watched him walk down the block noting that the view from the back was just as impressive.
(29 more days)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Day 2
It's cold in here. The furnace is humming along but it's still cold in here. I have plastic on windows and cutains on some windows yet....brrrr I'm still cold.
Sitting here drinking tea and eating a trail mix bar, I'm having one of those buyer's remorse days. As a homeowner, you get those days. You love your home but sometimes the endless projects get to be overwhelming. The constant growing 'honey-do' list on the fridge that I keep adding to but never really starting (or finishing). Then there's the sudden things; plumbing, water tank, electrical issues, furnace issues and God knows what else. The parade of folks coming through your home and practially bankrupting you to fix these issues. (and those are the one who show up when called) I've certainly had a few folks come through here and take advantage of me. Part of this is my fault though since I should been more well read on home maintanence. (hmmmm a book purchase is in order)
It's enough to make me miss my humble northside apartment.
Despite it all, I am so proud to be a homeowner. 10 years ago, I couldn't even imagine that this would be my story. It's all mine, every 1300 square foot of it.
This year, I'm going to learn to appreciate this blessing more which means figuring out what is needed to take care it.
30 days left
Sitting here drinking tea and eating a trail mix bar, I'm having one of those buyer's remorse days. As a homeowner, you get those days. You love your home but sometimes the endless projects get to be overwhelming. The constant growing 'honey-do' list on the fridge that I keep adding to but never really starting (or finishing). Then there's the sudden things; plumbing, water tank, electrical issues, furnace issues and God knows what else. The parade of folks coming through your home and practially bankrupting you to fix these issues. (and those are the one who show up when called) I've certainly had a few folks come through here and take advantage of me. Part of this is my fault though since I should been more well read on home maintanence. (hmmmm a book purchase is in order)
It's enough to make me miss my humble northside apartment.
Despite it all, I am so proud to be a homeowner. 10 years ago, I couldn't even imagine that this would be my story. It's all mine, every 1300 square foot of it.
This year, I'm going to learn to appreciate this blessing more which means figuring out what is needed to take care it.
30 days left
Friday, January 1, 2010
Day 1
Today is day one of my 32 day writing challenge. What's on my mind? Hmmm. I need to tell someone that I am no longer interested in having a relationship with him and now I am wondering if I am just being too damn picky. Maybe I should be grateful that I have someone to occassionally take me out. Maybe I should be glad that someone is interested in me. Does it really matter that he is not into anything that I am into? Does it matter that he thinks that I don't really know my ass from a hole in the ground. Okay, maybe that last part is an exaggeration. LOL I really do think though that he thinks that I am not really that intelligent or that I don't have any sense or that because he works with teenagers, he cannot separate things. It must be why he talks to me like I'm a 40 something year old idiot. It's not that I don't respect his counsel but um...not every woman needs to be guided around like a child. I do have my own job, my own car, my own house, and more importantly my own identity. I thought that my father had risen from the grave when I told him that I have a tattoo. Why in the hell would he assume that it is some guy's name. No, he did not ask me what it was but proceeded to explain to me that tatoos are permanent (WHAT?) and that having someone's name on me is forever. Well dang ...I had no idea. The funny thing is that he is a really nice guy and does not mean any harm by 'sharing his wisdom' (as he puts it)...but guess what man??? that ish is really irritating to any seemingly intelligent, independent woman.
Now I'm back at square one and I just don't feel like getting back out there. It's starting to wear on me and my patience is getting thin with grown folks. So, I will pour myself into doing my thing...writing...reading....dyi projects in the house...and generally just living.
31 days to go
Now I'm back at square one and I just don't feel like getting back out there. It's starting to wear on me and my patience is getting thin with grown folks. So, I will pour myself into doing my thing...writing...reading....dyi projects in the house...and generally just living.
31 days to go
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